GREAT ADAPTATIONS

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These habits are the premium ways to keep your brain from growing – and guarantee that you’ll start forgetting everything you want to remember by the time you’re 40. The antidotes, of course, reverse the whole process – so don’t read them unless you really want the euphoric experience of constant brain growth for the rest of your life! CAUTION: Reading this article WILL trigger some new neural connections. Sorry about that. It’s just how it works.

Number Five: SKIP BREAKFAST.

The brain operates on glucose. It can only store about 10 minutes’ worth of usable sugar, so by morning it is seriously deprived. If you skip breakfast, you can keep it in that state all day! Skipping breakfast lends itself to several brain maladies, most notably depression and anxiety.

ANTIDOTE: Eat something. Almost anything. That raspberry croissant with your coffee will give you a huge boost of sugar, and screw up your insulin response at the same time, but it’s still way better than nothing. Most people do well with a little bit of protein first and some carbs after that. P.S.: Chocolate is, as you may have heard, a powerful antioxidant and brain booster. However, look for the purest form of chocolate available, as it loses most of its magical powers when heated. The best I know of is coming from Sunfood: Organic cacao nibs. (Crumble the bitter nuggets onto something slightly sweet and it’s fantastic.)

Number Four: DEHYDRATE YOURSELF.

Avoid water. Drink only the things that further dehydrate you, like triple frappucinos, Mickey Big-Mouths and Hornitos. Side benefits of dehydration include headaches and irritability. Cool!

ANTIDOTE: Drink a glass of water when you get up and more between meals. It works better if you also get some electrolytes in there, which you can do by adding a few grains of unprocessed salt (most sea salts have the essential minerals intact). The milk of green coconuts has great electrolytes too. You can even count that green tea (if it’s brewed, not commercially processed), and get major antioxidants at the same time. This is big league stuff, only for those interested in innovation and power over their own lives.

Number Three: BE STILL.

Move as little as possible. Sit on your couch with your laptop and move only the index finger and middle finger of your right hand for hours at a time. This will reduce circulation to the point where no brain growth whatsoever is possible. Zilch. Also, it will make your neck freeze up, which helps restrict blood flow to the brain.

ANTIDOTE: Stand up and stretch your arms over your head, then reach down to the floor. Now that you’ve got a head rush, step out around the coffee table and walk across the room to the front door. Don’t tell anyone you’re leaving. Walk outside and down the street, swinging your arms. Go all the way to the stop sign before you turn around. When you go back in the house, find the yoga schedule in the stack of papers on your kitchen table. Attend the very next possible class. Other options include bike rides, tree climbing, and special marathons involving mangoes and a partner.

Number Two: DEEPEN YOUR DEBT.

Stress yourself out by consistently living outside your means. Buy something every day or so that you don’t need and didn’t know about before the infomercial. Use credit, and pay only the minimum on your cards. As your debt load eclipses your income, the resulting stress will produce a constant stream of the stress hormone cortisol, effectively eliminating your ability to use short term memory, which will spiral into more stress as you ponder the life of a relative who has Alzheimer’s disease.

ANTIDOTE: Start collecting stuff you already have and placing it into a pile to be sold. Really look at the things you have and see if you love them enough to pay their rent (storage!). That’s what I thought. Pretend you are getting ready for an extended period of travel, which could result in actually doing that. Give away anything you can’t easily sell. Realize that anything you will ever need will be readily available, since practically everyone has a glut of stuff in their garage and is now auctioning it online for pennies. Learn the difference between distress and eustress. Learn stress relief techniques.

Number One: BE REPETITIVE.

Do the same thing over and over and over. Caution! Your brain will totally wake up and grow if you change something automatic, like how you brush your teeth. Just noticing how you do something will create new neural growth, so I may be doing you a disservice by telling you this. The older the habit, the more brain growth you’ll get by changing it. The tiniest shift will result in unseen benefits down the line. Let me repeat. Change nothing or risk brain growth. Oh, and NEVER evaluate your own thinking, because if you do that, they will instantly change! Be adamant that your thought patterns have nothing to do with your life experience. Like a parolee returning to the cell, same thoughts equals same actions equals same outcomes.

ANTIDOTE: Upon awakening, throw pillows straight at the ceiling. Get out of bed on your palms. Doesn’t the world already look different? Face away from the mirror while combing your hair. Break routines in little ways. The brain gets very interested when you do this. New chemical cascades result. Moods improve. Coping skills expand. Giggling may occur. Find ways to remind yourself throughout the day to make little changes. The nervous system will send signals to the brain that things have changed, and it will grow in response. Especially effective: Interact with people in new ways. Give just a little bit more love. Discover and go outside your dominant mode. Imagine that you are vastly more creative than you’ve ever believed. Notice the color red today, yellow tomorrow. Look at the edges where things come together. Observe how you go across thresholds. And breathe.

Yours,

Suzanna